UNDERSTANDING PERFECTIONISM

Introduction

Renowned psychologist M.H. Hollender (1978) provided one of the earliest definitions of perfectionism, describing it as “the practice of demanding of oneself or others a higher quality of performance than is required by the situation.”

Perfectionism is a complex personality trait that can be broadly defined as “striving for flawlessness” and “excessively high and unrealistic standards,” accompanied by overly critical self-evaluation and frequent thoughts on how to meet such standards. It is a stressful, self-sabotaging, and exhausting way to live. Perfection is often seen in our society as desirable for success.

Signs and Symptoms of Perfectionism

Identifying a perfectionist

There are a few symptoms that can help you identify perfectionists. These could be within yourself or a loved one.

I. Emotional Perfectionism

1. Low self-esteem

Perfectionists have low self-esteem due to their self-image. People with low self-esteem keep themselves isolated from social settings where they cannot shine, and their overtly critical nature often pushes people further away.

Examples of perfectionistic feelings:

• Perfectionism can make you feel depressed, frustrated, anxious, and even angry, especially if you constantly criticise yourself for not doing a good enough job after spending a lot of time and effort on a task.

II: Cognitive Perfectionism

1. High personal standards

People with perfectionism keep incredibly high standards for themselves while performing daily activities. Perfectionists set unrealistic standards for themselves, ones they can not usually meet. This reduces their motivation to perform small tasks.

2. Procrastination

People with perfectionism often procrastinate longer to perfect the way they will execute the task. Their need to perfectly plan and strategize is driven by their fear of not meeting the unrealistic standard they set for themselves.

3. Combative Nature

Perfectionists strive to put their all into everything that they do. In their mind, all tasks are done to the best of their abilities. Receiving criticism, therefore, makes them defensive. They are combative to avoid feedback.

4. Highly selective

People who consider themselves perfectionists are often highly selective about the tasks they want to engage in. They either give it their all or choose not to work at all. This stems from the same fear of failure that drives their procrastination as well.

1. Examples of perfectionistic thinking:

• Black-and-white thinking (e.g., “Anything less than perfection is a failure.”)
• Should statements (e.g., “I should never make mistakes”; “I should never come across as nervous or anxious”).

III. Behavioural Perfectionism

1. Avoidance Behavior

People with maladaptive coping strategies often isolate themselves. Due to their fear of failure and the unrealistic standards they set for themselves, they battle anxiety over meeting deadlines and are overly self-critical.

2. Self Harm-Substance Abuse

People in high-involvement positions in the workplace who are perfectionists often indulge in self-harm and substance abuse to cope with the stress of not performing to complete perfection.

3. Eating Disorders

Young adults who practice perfectionism may develop eating disorders to perfect their body image.

Examples of perfectionistic behaviour:

• Overly cautious and thorough in tasks (e.g., spending 2–3 hours on a task that others might complete in a few minutes)
• Passive checking (e.g., spending 30 minutes before sending an e-mail to avoid possible mistakes)
• Agonizing over small details (e.g., what movie to rent)

Causes of Perfectionism

1. Body Image

Perfectionism is closely linked to eating disorders like bulimia and anorexia. People with these disorders tend to have a distorted negative view of their body and resort to extreme and unhealthy habits in pursuit of attaining an ideal body.

2. Academic Achievement

Perfectionists who are obsessed with academic achievement; these students are constantly concerned about their grades and become depressed if they do not receive a perfect score. They might read, revise, and edit a paper or assignment several times to ensure there are no errors, and may even request other people to check it before submitting it.

3. People Pleasing

People with perfectionism tend to be hypersensitive to the needs, preferences, and expectations of other people and have an intense fear of upsetting others. This can lead them to develop unhealthy and codependent relationships where they neglect themselves to cater to the needs of others.

4. Parenting

Some parents who struggle with tendencies of perfectionism may unconsciously develop them in their children. They may put a lot of pressure on their children to excel in school, sports, and other settings. While well-intentioned, they may be critical of small mistakes that a child makes. Their disappointment and criticism can cause children to feel as though their parents only love and accept them when they meet all of their expectations.

5. Routines

Perfectionism is associated with disorders characterised by rigid routines that can become compulsive, like OCD. Perfectionists may rely on a very specific, ritualised routine that involves doing certain tasks at certain times or in certain ways, and they may become upset or anxious when this routine is interrupted.

Types of Perfectionism

Perfectionism can originate and be present in different ways.

Self-Oriented Perfectionism

This form of perfectionism is often associated with highly striving individuals or high-achievers who have accomplished significant success in their careers.

Self-oriented perfectionists are those who:

• Set high standards for themselves and feel the need to give 110% at all times.
• Are overly critical of their work and get stuck in analysis paralysis.
• Suffer from high levels of burnout or anxiety and struggle with decision-making.

2. Others-Oriented Perfectionism

They hold extremely high standards for others, they often struggle to delegate work, ask for help, and build strong, trusting relationships in the workplace.

Other-oriented perfectionists are those who:

• Are bothered by people who don’t strive to better themselves.
• Are frustrated by people who don’t work to their full potential.
• Get upset when people close to them make a mistake.
• Expect others to complete their work flawlessly.

3. Socially Prescribed Perfectionism

This form of perfectionism occurs when one’s self-worth is wrapped up in expectations set by others to achieve unrealistically high standards of success and performance.

The perfectionists who come under this category are those who:

• Find it difficult to live up to the standards of others and strive hard to not let others down.
• Feel pressure from parents or family to succeed perfectly.
• Create a narrative about the perceived success of others.

4. Overt perfectionism

• Overt perfectionists have a very strong preference for order and show increased anxiety when they don’t have it around them.
• This type of perfectionism is linked to having a fixed mindset — the belief that your abilities (e.g., intelligence, creativity, etc.) are fixed and cannot be developed.
• Overt perfectionists fear failure and do everything they can to prevent it by being in control.

5. Covert perfectionism

• Covert perfectionists are “closeted” perfectionists and can sometimes be hard to identify.
• Covert perfectionists tend to have low expectations of those around them and will outwardly say they prefer being average or laid back, yet internally they secretly want to succeed.
• They may underachieve to avoid any pressure to succeed or compete with others who may be better at an activity.

Domains of Perfectionism

Perfectionism can impact many areas of a person’s life. Sometimes, perfectionism affects only one domain(areas of life) , while other times it impacts multiple domains. Below are some areas of life that perfectionism can affect:

1. Workplace or school: People who are perfectionists may take longer than others to complete a task. They may also avoid starting a task unless they feel confident.
2. Intimate relationships or friendships: Perfectionism can lead to people placing unrealistic expectations on their loved ones, adding stress and pressure to the relationship.
3. Physical activity: Sports and athletics often encourage or exacerbate perfectionism. In individual sports, such as gymnastics or track, perfectionism may be especially prevalent since the athlete is often competing against himself.
4. Environment or surroundings: This may include the need for one’s house or yard to be immaculate at all times. This can cause an individual to spend large amounts of time and energy keeping their immediate surroundings in line with their aesthetic standards.
5. Hygiene and health: Ironically, this type of perfectionism may cause health issues. This type of perfectionism may also lead to eating disorders like orthorexia Nervosa, in which individuals feel compelled to stick to a rigidly healthy diet.
6. How one speaks or writes: When a person is perfectionistic about how they speak or write, the quality of their speech or writing may decrease. It may cause them to speak very little or to avoid writing for fear of making a mistake.
7. Physical appearance: This type of perfectionism can cause someone to worry excessively about their grooming or style. It may take hours to choose what to wear. Perfectionism surrounding physical appearance can also lead to eating disorders or exercise addiction.

Effects of Perfectionism

1. Low self-esteem

Perfectionists may appear to have high self-esteem due to their high energy, their commitment to their work, and their refusal to settle for anything less than the best. The reality is that, deep down, many perfectionists can have low self-esteem. But this type leads to a decrease in productivity.

2. Anxiety and Depression

Negative perfectionists are their own worst enemies when it comes to stress. Although negative perfectionists fear failure, they persistently set themselves up for it by setting unrealistic goals. They are stressed not only while working towards their goals, but also when they fail to achieve them.

3. Physical Health Problems

Perfectionists may experience hygiene and health disorders. In severe cases, they may develop eating disorders like orthorexia Nervosa in which a person feels the need to maintain a perfect and rigid diet. If they miss their diet even for one day, they may feel like they have been spiralling.

4. Emotional Exhaustion

Perfectionists who are driven to achieve out of fear are much less likely to gain gratification and satisfaction from their work. The anxiety and distress caused by these feelings, whilst motivating, tend not to be fulfilling, causing feelings of lethargy and emptiness. Several studies have found a link between perfectionism and emotional exhaustion and the debilitating effects it has.

5. Impact Relationships

The primary concern of perfectionists is their behaviour and the demands they place on themselves. However, in some cases, perfectionists may try to control or regulate the behaviour of those around them, thus, affecting their relationship negatively.

Dealing with Perfectionism

Here are some important steps that can help in overcoming a perfectionistic tendency.

1. Focus on the Positive

If you struggle with perfectionism, you’ve probably honed the skill of spotting flaws in even your best work and that of others. While this habit may be difficult to break, you can soften your tendency to notice the bad by making a conscious effort to notice all that is good about your work and the achievements of others.

2. Set Realistic Goals and Take Baby Steps

Perfectionists tend to set goals of unreasonable excellence, with no learning curve and little room for error. Instead, they can reduce a lot of stress by setting small, bite-sized goals and rewarding themselves when they achieve them.

3. Enjoy the Process

One important way to recover from perfectionism is to begin focusing more on the process of reaching a goal than just the goal itself.

4. Allow Yourself to Make Mistakes

Mistakes are opportunities for us to learn, grow, and do better. One way to practice this is by taking up any activity that you’ll likely not be good at on the first try. Instead of trying to be “perfect” at it, focus instead on enjoying the activity and slowly learning how to get better.

5. Learn to Handle Criticism

Constructive criticism can give you important clues on how to improve your performance. They can be useful stepping stones that lead to excellence. If the criticism you’re receiving is pointed or harsh, it’s okay to remind others (and yourself) that mistakes are a great way to learn.

6. Make an effort not to Procrastinate

Perfectionists are notorious procrastinators. The hardest part is always starting, but even creating a rough outline of our work ahead of time is better than nothing. Remember that it’s okay if your work isn’t perfect on the first try, but give yourself grace for starting it.

7. Go to Therapy

Therapy can help you understand the deeper reason behind feeling the pressure to be perfect. If you find that you’re still struggling, therapy may be a good option to give you even more tools to overcome perfectionism.

Types of Therapy

In therapy, you may discuss the roots of your perfectionism with a therapist who can help you learn healthier perspectives.

• “Cognitive-behavioural therapy (CBT)” is often used to address perfectionism. This method can demonstrate that perfection is not the end goal of each undertaking. It also helps emphasise flawed beliefs, our biases, a person may have about the things they feel need to be perfect.
• Family systems theory (FST) It is a model used to address perfectionism. This type of therapy can help explain how perfectionism developed within the family unit and affected an individual as a member of that family.
• Hypnotherapy: It has helped some people change perfectionistic thought patterns. It does this by addressing and adjusting “all or nothing thinking,” which is often a common trait in perfectionists.

In a talk therapy session, a therapist may also use one of the scales that measure perfectionism to help pinpoint how perfectionism affects you.

Conclusion

Some sort of perfectionism exists in most people. However, only a few are aware. It’s high time we start talking about it and spread awareness regarding perfectionism. Above mentioned suggestions can be considered to deal with perfectionism but not all of these will work for everyone. If you have a difficult time letting go of perfectionistic behaviour, forcing the issue on yourself can make the situation worse. Working with a therapist can ensure that you have compassionate support and guidance as you practice letting go.